Being true to myself

So welcome back to the Draxisweb blog. I’m just going to plop this here in the main blog area because I’m not sure where else to put this….. but I am tired of just hiding things and now that I have things figured out for the most part I just want to take a moment and put things out there on the table for everyone. If this loses me some followers I am sorry to have disappointed you, but I have to be true to myself and I think this is a big first step in doing such and a big first step in being happy with myself fully for the first time in a while.  I’m not huge on putting a lot out there about myself but at the same time I also try to be very open about who I am and where my stances lie. Lately I have come to the conclusion that I do indeed belong in the LGBT community, even if my leanings and life have led to a Heterosexual lifestyle. But appearances can be deceiving when there are so many choices it seems.

So if you are still reading I am not coming out as Gay…or Bi….no, indeed I am coming out as what is known as PanSexual or OmniSexual depends on your preference, and for me well I really don’t care the label as long as you understand what the belief in my mind is. Personally, I think the labels hold us back and are a bit toxic in our community as it gives others something to latch onto and hate. So what does it mean to me to be what I just said I am? Well that’s easy an ATTRACTION to humans in general (let’s not get into the whole fantasy sci-fi questions side of things…I mean yes I am a geek but until they show up I have no clue on whether or not I could find an alien good looking so let’s stick to humans right now.) SO I am sure there are some of you out there asking “well doesn’t that just make you bisexual if you like women and men”. Well it would if that was all that is out there but now thanks to sexual reassignment surgeries we also have people that are midway between male and female or vice versa that can be just as attractive as a full fledged man or woman. I have known several Trans women who I thought were very beautiful and they had not yet gone all the way through the surgeries yet and thus were somewhere in the middle. But there are things that maybe you don’t understand about why I can say that I like it all and everything and to be clear this is not about sex but attraction. For me, attraction and love does not need to go hand in hand with sex. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a very sexual person and am in no means A-Sexual but I do not believe that Sex is needed for a good solid relationship to be had. Sex is a good bonus that comes with everything else in my mind. It’s confusing to figure out how to write this all so I hope you are staying with me so far because it took me many years to figure all this out and this is just touching upon my ideas for my sexuality… so let’s not even get started on peoples gender identity and such. Lets just say I look past those.

So what does this mean truly? To me, looking at it the way I have, the easiest way to explain is in terms of taste, like foods or beverages. My Mom likes Tea but not Coffee, I have friends that love Coffee but not Tea. I stand between the two and say I love both and each gives me this look like I’m weird for liking the other and that’s ok I can understand where you might like the taste of one but not the other. Everyone has their own opinions on what they like and it’s no different for food than it is for attractions to others. In my mind, the fact that I can find attraction in anything is a result of the fact that as I grew up I was able to find beauty in everything, I was able to find something I liked in just about everything I see. Even in straight people if you ask them what they like most people have a preference, whether it be slim or chubby, long hair or short, everyone tends to have a specific type that they gravitate to. For me I don’t gravitate towards physical appearances (though I do have my preferences because I am after all human still) I gravitate more towards heavier set women, however, I am attracted to skinny women as well. Then I can see exactly where and how a man or transgendered person could find their way into my life, and with both it starts with their personality and how they treat others. To me, the most attractive thing about a person is their personality, their sense of humor, and just who they are as themselves and this transcends what they are body wise.

And here is where we get weird as humans. You see, I will be ridiculed by some and hated by others for being able to see myself attracted to men and trans people, but can you tell me honestly you never saw someone of the opposite sex who looked like the other sex and you said “Hey look at that cute girl!” just to find out it’s a guy with long hair or say “That’s a pretty boy” to find out it was a slim flat chested girl with a guys haircut? It happens all the time, and the thing is it isn’t a dirty thing to make such a mistake. It isn’t horrible to say a guy has a nice ass if you’re a guy. It isn’t horrible to say a woman has nice legs or eyes if you’re another woman. It’s an appreciation of beauty and an appreciation of what god has created. If you look at the human body we all have the same body parts except for two (I say two as in the penis and the vagina….even men have breasts just a different size and shape is all and heck sometimes men have bigger breasts than some girls it’s all up to hormones and fat placement for there) So, if everyone has legs why can’t you appreciate all legs? Why does being able to see the beauty in both a male butt and a female butt make a difference when they all look the same out of context? Going back to food, the coffee drinker does not make laws to keep the tea drinker from doing things and vice versa and neither of them gang up on the person who drinks both other than giving them odd looks. You take this though and apply the same principles to someone’s body and you see this same outlook to create hatred and dissent that is only seen when it comes to race and religion (both of which are stupid to hate someone else for too btw!)

As someone who sees themselves as Christian, I look around me and I see something that to me makes no sense. There are a lot of things the Bible tells you and I assume this is the same with other religious texts as well. One thing that I took away from reading the Bible is to love everyone and not hate. To be the best person I can be and not judge others for it’s not my place to tell them what to do or not to do. I also look at the Bible and see a lot of rules and regulations that no one really looks at these days. The Bible says don’t get Tattoos and yet we have preachers that are inked up all over the place. The Bible has rules on what to eat that we don’t pay attention to. The Bible has rules on where women can sit and plenty of tales of polygamy and this that or the other… and yet we as a people have looked at the Bible and said “We shall do this, we shall ignore this but most of all we shall use this text of love for all and use it to judge and hate people.” For better or worse, right or wrong, it cannot be denied that this is how the vast majority of Christians look at things. This is something I don’t understand, yet we see it every day. So let me sum up some thoughts up for you as to how I look at things.

  1. God made man and woman in his own image.
  2. God gave us intelligence and our own wills and the power to make choices.
  3. Jesus said to love one another (mentally not literal sexual love).

Then we add in Nature

  1. God made us in his image but Nature made it so the human race could continue
  2. Love is an Emotion, Sex is an Act.
  3. Emotion is not a choice, emotion is illogical, emotion follows the heart.

When you look at someone who is gay they have followed their heart, they have followed their emotions and to you it doesn’t make sense. But god gave us the free will to follow our emotions and not just the Natural urge to procreate. God also gave us the minds that have emotions it’s something that separates us from animals. These emotions are illogical and not something you can choose, these emotions can cause you to love whatever they decide for you to love and very rarely does it make sense. Many will say God made the laws of nature too like evolution and such so keeping on this God gave us and nature gave us thing Women were given places in their body that during sex gives them extra pleasure than just the normal act and if you find that place then it’s amazing. God did not leave men out of this either…its called a prostate and it is known as a male G-spot. If God is infallible why does he put something that can be stimulated sexually in a mans butt. Or if you prescribe to Nature and Evolution if Gay sex is not to be done naturally then again why do men have the Prostate?

I can see why these things are confusing for others. I can see why if it’s not for you then you may not get it. What I don’t get is the hate. I don’t get the using religion against this. The Bible has both lesbian and gay relationships in it. The Bible also supposedly doesn’t condone being gay but if you truly look at the passages it’s not the act of a loving relationship that it doesn’t condone it’s usually the act of rape or something else similar that it is saying is wrong. Don’t believe it check out this website…it has 3 pages of why being gay isn’t a sin in the Bible as well as context instead of just spewing verses with no backup- like so many others seem to do so often these days.  http://www.religioustolerance.org/ashford01.htm

In fact, while looking at some of the religious things I came across a quote I never hear anyone saying but I think it weighs quite a bit here. It’s Galatians 3:28 and it says “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” Look at the key words there, “there is neither male nor female” in the eyes of Christ we are all one and the same, the sexes don’t matter one bit. It’s like Coffee and Tea. They are both drinks and its stupid to fight over what you like and don’t like. Male or Female we are all people, we are all human. See, it doesn’t matter your skin tone, your religion, your gender or sexuality. There is beauty everywhere, there is beauty in everyone that god has put on this planet. This doesn’t mean you need to be attracted to it, just like you don’t need to enjoy everything you taste. However, don’t condemn others for what beauty they appreciate. You don’t have to embrace it for yourself but you shouldn’t hate or attack others for it.

I know I may get some flak for this for coming forth and saying what I have said. To all the haters out there though, I am not a bad person, I simply see beauty in all that God has given us naturally and all that god has allowed us to create. It has taken many years for me to find exactly who I am and even now my journey is not over and I don’t think it ever will be. People will hate me because I can find pleasure in my fellow man if I wanted to. However, don’t let this make you think stupid thoughts. I am happily married to a wonderful wife. I love her very much and would never betray her or our wedding vows. Just because I find that I can like everyone does not mean I want to suddenly sleep with everyone nor does it erode the loyalty I have to my family nor the love I have for them. If anyone thinks differently then I call you fools. If any of you reading this wish to judge me, hate me, or whatever you have that right. I just ask you keep it to yourself and if you can’t then just don’t follow me on social media. I am finally happy and accepting who I am and the person who means the most to me -my wife- accepts me and loves me as I am and who I am. That is all I need to be happy and anyone who wants to take that joy and happiness way from us can do us and themselves a favor and just walk out of our lives right now. Thank you for those who have taken the time to read this and thank you to those who will support us and stand with us.

2 thoughts on “Being true to myself

  1. Kevin, may I just applaud you for being brave and sharing your story despite the possible flak you may get. You have all my support for whatever your choices so long as it makes you happier! There’s so many arguments going on in the world simply due to the fact that other people impose their beliefs on others thinking they’re right, I think what matters more is respecting others and kindness. I’d rather have friends who bring out the best of me and not ones to judge me. More power, Kev!

    1. Thank you and I agree completely. Right now the world needs to focus more on kindness instead of judging so much. It always makes me wonder why people like me or others in the LGBT community get the flak that they do. They get hated for loving someone. To me that makes no sense. So it is good to have friends whether it be on here or close by as long as we know we are supported. So thank you for your words and support it means the world to me.

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